Teres

- I suppose Douglass just wanted the aesthetics of abuse without bothering with its implications, which I still do not like at all.

I bet she doesn't realize that a severe enough whipping can kill you, too. If she was whipped, I assume it was a little at a time over a long period, but whips can do some serious damage, even with just a few lashes.

- It is not on the same level as “Hsingard”, but she is still taking credit for names others came up with,

I feel like she and Paolini would get along well. I get that coming up with fantasy names can be really difficult, especially when the book was published before the internet was a normal thing, and thus there were no random name generators, but they could be a little more subtle about it.

- Back with the story… we open on Jack, Yr, Faraday, Timozel, and the pigs sighting Jervois Landing, after “almost two weeks of travel”.

*immediately bristles* Not Jackass and those creepy fucking pigs... Not even Best Character Timozel can make this better. (Or is he second-best? I still don't know whether I like him more, or Belial.)

- and have an even greater chance of reaching Gorkenfort before Axis.

Picklefort returns! \o/

- Sometimes, Timozel put her on the mule (from the Goodpeople Renkin), but that put a very large strain on it, so Faraday soon jumped off again.

Wait, what? Does...does Douglass even know what mules are? They're not tiny, like donkeys. They're the size of horses, with the strength of one, too. A single person who probably doesn't weigh more than 120 pounds soaking wet would not put strain on a mule, even one walking through snow. I've seen these things drag full-grown trees by themselves. Mules are no joke.

- Yr had sex with Timozel “two or three times”, but he seemed to “wrapped in his own thoughts” to spare the energy,

*squints* Frequent sex with someone, who them starts to look drained of energy. Is Yr actually a succubus? Because she's showing a couple of very telltale traits of one, and it would actually explain a lot.

- Douglass says that she is “huddled against Faraday’s back” to share warmth, but it certainly looks that way.

Why doesn't she just transform back into an animal? It would be a lot easier for her to keep warm when she could stick her entire body under a blanket and curl up.

- This is something that a reread of this chapter could easily have caught; unfortunately, I am becoming rather sure that Douglass did not actually bother to do so.

Oh, look! Another thing she and Paolini have in common. Admittedly, this particular problem isn't exactly rare in badfics, novels included, so that isn't saying much, but still.

- He knows that Jack and Yr look at him weirdly sometimes, but he ignores them as best he can.

But they won't try to help him, because gods forbid they do anything out of the kindness of their hearts for someone. Jackass is too busy being creepy, and Yr is too busy humping Faraday's back.

- Finally, Timozel calls Faraday “the girl”, which seems rather out of place for him (considering that he is just a year older than her).

Even putting their ages aside, if you're almost fanatically devoted to someone, you're not going to refer to them like that. You would be much more respectful, and maybe even a little reverent, seeing that he thinks Faraday is the only one who can save him from this.

- Yr now “quip[s]” that Timozel is “quite the man”, and she would like “[l]ess talk and more action”. Yr, it has been a minute at most; you have wasted much more time in letting Jack lead you on foot. And if you want action, then maybe you could arrange for it yourself,

I actually read this as Yr whining about him being too tired/distracted to screw her lately, and that she was trying to be suggestive, but I like this explanation a LOT more.

- Jack turns to Faraday and Timozel and says that he is going to leave them.

*long pause before a Hallelujah chorus starts up and confetti falls from the sky* YES! Good riddance, if I never see you again, it'll be too soon!

- He does not care whether Timozel lives or “lies buried forever beneath the mud of the battlefield”, though

Fuck you, Jackass. Go jump off the nearest cliff. ...actually, wait, let me get some popcorn first; I want to watch.

- Faraday asks tearfully if she will see him again

NO. NO, NO, NO, PLEASE GODS NO.