BattleAxe First Read: Chapter Thirty-Three: The Forbidden Valley (Part I)

[teres]

Chapter Thirty-Two | Table of Contents | Chapter Thirty-Three (Part II)

SCSF: A good day, everyone, and welcome back to BattleAxe! Last time, Axis went to see Raum and Shra, inexplicably developed sympathy for them and beat up Hagen.

For the reader post: As I said in the ETA last chapter, I probably fell for Douglass’s nonsense because it was nicer after the violence in the first part. I also think Douglass put this in to make Axis look good, never mind that not making him the BattleAxe would have had considerably more effect.

Chessy notes that, under Catholic theology, Raum and Shra not understanding what is going on would make them less deserving of their treatment, rather than more, as Hagen claims. That does weaken what Douglass is trying to say.

She further notes Raum’s remark that Axis’s anger “would do a Horned One proud”, which is indeed not a great thing to have.

While talking to Wolfgoddess, I also realised that Azhure probably frowns at Axis being angry at Ogden and Veremund because it is the BattleAxe disagreeing with a Brother of the Seneschal.

She further notes that we are absolutely meant to regard the villagers with contempt for being afraid. So…

Petty Ain’t the Word for You: 49 (+5)

Epistler rightly notes that the villagers should be checking the rabbit traps in the morning rather than in the evening, as rabbits are nocturnal. Indeed, if they do this, they would either have no rabbits at all, or they could have taken the rabbits they find in the morning. Also, as she notes, Douglass refers to them as if they are “some sort of village fixture”, when they are not.

It’s Like We’re Smart But We’re Not: 45 (+2)

She further notes that Axis could have just ordered Hagen to open the cell and care for Raum and Shra better, since he is the BattleAxe. I guess Axis just wanted to hurt Hagen, then.

Then she notes that Hagen’s speech about how Raum and Shra are “filth” has a comma splice in it.

PPP: 284

She finally notes that “Horned Ones” is a quite bad name for them, since they have antlers, which are not the same thing as horns. Well seen!

A Better Commando Name: 40

Let me resume with the next chapter, then.

Chapter Thirty-Three: The Forbidden Valley

I think that Douglass did not want to give away what happened in this chapter, but it is still a rather bland one. Still, I would rather have bland than bad, so I will take it. Now, let me show the first paragraph:

Azhure took the child back to the house she shared with the man she called her father.

So this chapter is where Azhure is added to the “main cast”. From what I have seen, it is reasonably decent for a while, so that is nice.

As for the “man she called her father”… I wonder if that is supposed to be foreshadowing or that she does not actually consider Hagen to be her father. If it is foreshadowing, it is not immediately obvious, at least.

What is obvious to me is how badly Axis thought this through. He has given Shra to Azhure, who should then keep her for the night in the house she shares with the Plough-Keeper, who already nearly killed her. Further, he does not bother with any kind of supervision, which he could easily get from his Axe-Wielders. In fact, he could easily have handed Shra off to any one of his Axe-Wielders or even to Belial, since he would set about cleaning the cell. Yes, some things would have to change for that, but it would make sense.

Ill Logic: 173

I can kind of see why Azhure went along with it, given that the BattleAxe ordered her to, and given his behaviour, she might well be afraid that he will hurt her if she does not follow his orders.

She was still bewildered, though she felt little sympathy for Hagen; the man was a coward and a fool, and cruel besides. She had hated and feared him ever since she could remember.

Then why is him being “cruel” an afterthought here?

PPP: 285

His cruelty had driven her mother away and he had since made her own life unbearable.

So Azhure has an abusive father. Despite my suspicion that Douglass only put this because it would be “dramatic”, it does not have to be badly handled. Unfortunately, she has not done well so far. Looking back at the two chapters we have had with Azhure, she has not bothered to hide her reactions around him, she even provoked him, and she also stayed very calm after Axis knocked Hagen out, even though he might well hurt her in return. That is not how Azhure would react if he has “made her life unbearable” for some twenty years.

It’s Like We’re Smart But We’re Not: 46

I think that Douglass wanted to give Azhure problems and a Troubled Past by having Hagen be abusive… and also wanted to have her be Awesome (for lack of a better word), by having her provoke Hagen despite the danger and having her bring food and water to Raum and Shra. Unfortunately, trying to do both simultaneously just gives a mess, which Douglass did nothing to fix.

PPP: 290 (+5)

Come to think of it, it is probably no coincidence that Azhure’s abusive father is the rough equivalent of a priest.

Maria Monk Redux: 69

So, Azhure exposits that the violence Axis dealt to Hagen is “only a fraction of the violence Hagen [has] meted out to her over the past twenty years”. Yes, it obviously is. If she were beaten multiple times per year over twenty years, for example, that could easily outweigh the beating Hagen took. Something like “she had experienced the likes of this more than once” would work better.

PPP: 291

Then she tells us that, until this afternoon, she hated the Axe-Wielders like she does the Seneschal, “a sentiment rivalled only by her hatred for Hagen”. Now, with some discomfort, she has to admit to some respect for Axis and Belial, as they treated Raum and Shra with “both respect and sympathy”. That still makes no sense, but alright. As she cleans and dresses Shra, Azhure keeps thinking and gets “more and more excited”.

She tells us one of her “secret dreams”, that she has held since her mother left, is that she can one day “find the opportunity to escape”, too. She thinks that tonight is the “perfect time”, as Smyrton is distracted by the Axe-Wielders and by Axis beating up Hagen. Not only does she want to escape, she wants to save both Raum and Shra, too. That sounds difficult, but quite worth it. Over the past few years, she has tried to persuade GoldFeather to let her help with the Avar children, as she wants to help however she can. Now she can actually help.

Here I want to talk about this introduction. I think that Douglass noted that she often wrote in omniscient and decided to write this introduction in a close viewpoint. While I like that she wanted to write in a closer viewpoint, the introduction to Azhure’s POV is a quite bad time to do it, as we need some context to understand her thoughts.

Looking back at the introduction, we have not been told why she hates the Seneschal so much or who she wants to run to. We do know what she refers to with the Avar children, given the preview chapter, but it also feels redundant because of that. And yes, we will be getting the proper information after this, but what would have been the bother to have Azhure think about it at the beginning of the chapter? It worked well enough in the prologue, after all.

PPP: 294 (+3)

So we go into a flashback. Azhure found out about GoldFeather “some twelve years before when she was fifteen”. That means that she is now twenty-seven, then. Because she wanted to escape Hagen, she would often leave the house in the middle of the night and “sit watching the Fortress Ranges and the dark shadows of the forest beyond”. One night, she saw the “furtive shadows” of people leaving the Forbidden Valley, and she followed GoldFeather as she and a “young Avar [man]” took two children into the Seagrass Plains. Over the next year she kept tracking the woman, until she finally made too much noise and was heard.

Could we also get a reason for why Azhure did as she did? My best guess is that she had come to hate the Way of the Axe and the Plough by that point, probably in part because Hagen was the Plough-Keeper. Further, given her situation, I could see her be less afraid of the Forbidden, too. After all, they would probably not be worse than what she already endures, and it gives her something to dream about. Then, when she saw GoldFeather, she would have had evidence that it was possible to live with the Forbidden. In addition, I imagine that it gave her something to distract her, and that not telling anyone about them was a way to spite them. If only we could have seen something like this now…

Azhure thinks she was lucky to survive being discovered. The Avar man had become “frighteningly angry” (with some reason this time), but GoldFeather persuaded him “against any action” and then reassured Azhure. Later, they formed an “intense friendship” and in the following years they met maybe three times a year and “talked through the night”. GoldFeather told a bit about her life with the Avar, but, to Azhure’s surprise, she did not want to hear about life in Achar. She would “smile[] sadly” that her old life is “dead and gone” and she has now started a new one. Azhure naturally told no one about GoldFeather, and, if she is feeling very lonely, she sometimes pretends that GoldFeather is her “long lost mother”. This is quite nice.

Back in the present, Azhure smiles at Shra. She is still “bruised and cut in several places”, but looks much better than earlier. Hmm, I get the feeling I should keep this in mind… Azhure gives her something to eat, and Shra “placidly” accepts the food and water she is given. Then say Azhure give her something to eat and drink.

PPP: 295

Also, I still do not think Shra should be acting anything like this.

She cuddles Shra close and thinks that she hopes to have “a child of her own” one day, but absolutely not from one of the “village oafs”! She says she is going to escape Smyrton and then “lead a life of adventure and purpose”, and she will find a “hero” to father her children. She smiles and thinks she does not doubt one will appear “precisely when needed”. If only you knew where that “hero” would lead you…

Now she hears “raised voices”. It is Hagen, who has “recovered” from “the crack across his pate”, and Axis, who she incredulously (I think) notes is the Rivkah’s bastard son. Um, Axis did not hit Hagen on the head; he threw him into a wall, something that Azhure would have seen.

PPP: 296

They are apparently arguing about Raum. After a while, they stop and Axis “stalk[s] off”. Hagen comes in and glares at her, but then just goes to lie down. She thinks his head might pain him. I am quite certain it does, since he just had a concussion! Azhure sighs with relief and relaxes her grip on Shra. She says she was “lucky not to have received a beating” for her earlier remark about her mother. Then why did you make that remark??

Ill Logic: 174

Apparently, she also just recovered from “three broken ribs he [has] given her two months ago”. That should have made her all the more careful, then. Still, why break her ribs, when that impairs her and is quite noticeable? It is probably because Douglass thought that was “dark” and stuff.

Edgy Equals Mature, Right?: 20

Ill Logic: 175

Papier-Mâché Villains: 25

As Hagen begins to snore, Azhure goes to sit by the fire, “rocking [Shra] to sleep” and plans. Go, Azhure!

--

She makes her move in the “dark hours of the night”, in “the hours before dawn”, when “the human body and spirit [are] at their lowest ebb”. I do not know how she would know any of this.

PPP: 297

Either way, it is time for action! Azhure wraps Shra in a “warm blanket”, whispers at her to stay quiet (which is a nice touch) and takes a cloak for herself. She would like to take some food, but she does not dare to, because the weight might slow her. As she goes to lacer her boots, her “nervous excitement grows”, and she tells herself to have courage. Um, the problem is not that she is afraid; it is rather that she is too nervous, so the word Douglass is looking for is “Calm”.

PPP: 298

She then tells us about her escape plan… which we probably also should have heard about earlier.

PPP: 299

She tells herself that, with another hour at the most, she and Raum can “be racing for the Forbidden Valley”, and then she can spend the rest of her life “wandering with GoldFeather”, free from Hagen. Oh, I would love to see that happen! Now, one of the laces refuses to tie. She holds Shra “tucked under one arm”, and that, along with her nervousness, makes her clumsy. So she quickly puts Shra on the floor and goes to relace the boot. And then the expected happens:

“Bitch!” Hagen grunted behind her and grabbed the child.

Jumpscare! It is reasonably effective at conveying what Douglass wanted, thankfully. Still, I do not have such a sense of Hagen’s menace as Douglass wants me to have, simply because we have not seen him be so very evil. Yes, he was probably meant to be in his treatment of Raum and Shra, but since he was not, this loses some of its impact.

PPP: 300

What also does not help is that Hagen is noted to “grunt” here, or that he bothers to make his presence known before grabbing Shra. Combined with him having a concussion, I get the picture of him being barely able to stand, and not being able to think very clearly, either. That is not a bad thing, since Hagen could still hurt Shra or raise a fuss, but it is not what Douglass meant to go for.

(Also, this is what Axis caused by giving Shra to Azhure.)

Papier-Mâché Villains: 26

Azhure cries “no!”, “too frightened to scream”. Yes, her being so afraid that she does not recognise that Hagen cannot think clearly is also a factor. She tries to turn around, but loses her balance and falls. Hagen throws Shra, who is now awake and crying (finally!), on the bed. He steps over to the table and gives Azhure “a vicious kick in the ribs”. She now “wheeze[s]” “no”, and doubles up, trying to breathe. Hagen has kicked her in the same ribs he broke earlier, and now it feels like “fire flicker[s] up and down her ribcage”.

This is quite effective in what it tries to do! I appreciate in particular that Azhure does not immediately stand up to Hagen, as she did earlier. Still, I wonder if her ribs hurting like this is accurate… I see the healing time is plausible, so I think getting hurt like this is plausible, too (especially since she might heal slower, due to her circumstances).

So Azhure tries to see what Hagen does. He stands at the table, “ignoring the wails of the child”, and “riffl[es] through” the “plates and cutlery” Azhure has washed and had yet to put away. So Azhure whimpers “no” again. She thinks she needs to move and do something, but the pain in her ribs “cripple[s] her” and she can barely draw breath, let alone get up.

Hagen now grabs a “bone-handled knife” and says the “Forbidden child dies now”. He inspects the edge of the knife. And he can actually get away with this, too, since Azhure is hardly in a state to act right now. So, well done with that, Douglass. We are then told he spends “hours each week” honing that particular knife, and Azhure knows how sharp it is.

What is this? He truly does not need “hours” to sharpen it after each use, because knives notably do not dull entirely with each use! This would only wear away the knife at a prodigious rate and make it more likely to break when used! I also do not believe that it has endured for years, as Douglass wants us to believe.

It’s Like We’re Smart But We’re Not: 48 (+2) (I suppose this is because it is “dramatic”)

At thinking about how sharp the knife is, Azhure begins to experience italicised flashbacks! She sees Hagen lift the knife. In the present, she groans and closes her eyes. In the flashback, “flames crack[] and pop[]”. Azhure now rolls over on her belly and presses her face into the floor, “desperate to escape both the scene before her and the memories threatening to break free”. She then remembers that the “smell was terrible”.

Hagen steps over Azhure and takes another step toward Shra. Azhure remembers this: “The little girl. Frightened. Watching. Unable to escape.” That does seem quite a bit like the current situation. In the present, we learn that Hagen is not worried about Azhure, as he has “beaten her into submission” enough to know she will not act, and he has “trained her well”. Flashback!Azhure asks “Why not kill me?” In the present, Hagen reaches the bed and begins to “pull [Shra’s] outer clothes apart”. I do not think it would make all that much difference if he wants to kill her… so I will assign this to him still being confused by the concussion.

In the flashback, we get this: “Because I like to see you suffer,” he replied. Yes, people, Hagen outright said that he is only abusing Azhure because he wants to make her suffer. This is plainly ridiculous! I would honestly expect this from one of Newcomb’s worse villains, that is how bad this is. It also does not fit with his behaviour at all; if he just wanted her to suffer, Azhure should be in a considerably worse condition now, and the fact that she is not means that he must have held back. That, in turn, implies to me that he does care for her in some way (because I do not see any external factors) and that he is not completely evil, no matter what Douglass says.

Papier-Mâché Villains: 28 (+2)

In the present, Azhure manages to get to her knees, though she is still “bent double with pain and fear”. She thinks “Not now. Not again!” In the flashback, Hagen threatens to “check the bandages” in the morning to see what is there. Then, in the present and the flashback, Hagen raises the knife… Azhure raises her hand, rocks back and forth, and “keen[s] under her breath”, thinking “not again!”. Then she thinks that she can stop it this time. This time she can save Shra, “and in doing so, save herself”. (I think that is a little too obvious, Douglass.) In the flashback, Hagen digs with the knife.

So, at that, Azhure jumps forward, grabbing for the “hem of Hagen’s robe”. He hears her and turns, the knife still in his hand, “his face masked in rage”. Azhure catches the hem, but it slips through her fingers. Hagen, who is now howling in anger, goes to stomp on her hand, the knife still in his hand. Then, “[w]ith the last of her strength”, Azhure grabs his foot and pulls on it twice. Hagen “teeter[s] backwards and forwards”, looking surprised rather than angry. (I think his concussion would make balancing quite a bit harder, too.)

Then, “with a small “Oh!” of utter astonishment that Azhure would actually do this to him”, he falls to the floor. Azhure rolls out of the way and gets up, with one hand still pressed to her ribs. Still, she can breather easier now, and she readies herself for the moment Hagen will jump up “with a savage roar, intent on her final murder”. But Hagen keeps lying still, “his right arm twisted under his body”. Shra begins to calm and Azhure quickly checks her. She is unharmed, “but Hagen [has] come so close… so close…”

I want to pause here for some reflection. I have to say that I do like this sequence. The flashbacks are a bit too unsubtle, but we still have Douglass actually giving us a mystery (what happened to Azhure?) without making it entirely obvious. I further like that Azhure does not just decide to stand up to Hagen, but that she is clearly still afraid and only goes through with it because of a traumatic memory. Then we have Hagen actually being affected by having had a concussion, which is nice. Finally, I just like how relatively tense this scene is! (Yes, it certainly needed some further brushing-up, but it at least does what it is supposed to, so…)

Azhure takes a deep breath and fights to forget the flashbacks, telling herself that it never happened. We are told her mind “slip[s] dangerously close to the edge of madness” (which is not how any of this works), and she tells herself to forget it, and that it was just her imagination. While she tries to “disremember” this, she murmurs that she is a “[w]icked child”, which Douglass tells is are “the words that [have] been shouted at her for so many years”. Yes, thank you for that.

She finally manages to shut the memories away, “composing herself with great effort”, and looks at Hagen. She wonders if he has “knocked himself unconscious” when he fell. She hopes he is, because then she and Shra might still flee. So Azhure checks on Hagen by bending down and quickly touching him on the shoulder. He does not react. She then shoves him and jumps back. Hagen still does not move.

As Azhure watches his “still body”, she feels her “stomach start[] to churn” and she whispers “Oh no”. Just then, Shra sits up, “her tear-streaked face curious”. Good to see that she still barely reacts… Azhure bites her tongue “to stop herself from gagging”, and grabs Hagen by the shoulder and rolls him over, grunting at the pain in her ribs. It turns out that… Hagen is dead! And nothing of value was lost.

So we get a description of him now that he is dead. There is a “spreading pool of blood” below him, his eyes are staring and “comically surprised”, and he still grasps the knife, whose “entire length” has been stuck in his “lower abdomen”. While she watches, his hand loosens and drops to the floor with a “sickening thud”. Yuck.

I do wonder how Douglass thinks he has died. He did fall on his knife and he has bled quite heavily… Given that the knife has been stuck in “its entire length”, I think that it hit his aorta and that he has bled to death just now. As for why he did not try to do anything in the meantime, I would point to his concussion, though that does seem quite flimsy to me. I do know that the knife should have broken, though.

It’s Like We’re Smart But We’re Not: 49

Overall, this whole sequence just feels very contrived: Hagen just happened to fall on his knife, which just happened to hit something vital and made him bleed to death. It is possible, but it could have been done considerably smoother.

Azhure “turn[s] away and retche[s]”. Shra, though, gets off the bed and walks over to Hagen. Nearly losing her balance on her “plump legs”, she squats and puts her hands in the pool of blood. She then calls Azhure’s name, and Azhure looks back, stunned to see Shra with both her hands bloodied. She immediately snatches Shra away, wondering what Shra thinks she is doing.

Then, Shra puts one hand to Azhure’s forehead and runs her “fat little fingers” across her face, leaving “three trails of blood”. And she says “Accepted”.

I see what Douglass meant to do, but I am quite certain Shra would not grasp the full significance of the ritual Raum executed, and that she would not know that it is a thing to do now with Azhure. Even if she knew that, she should know that, though she has been bonded to the Mother, she has had no training at all and that she presumably cannot bond people with the Mother yet. (I also wonder if Hagen’s blood would be enough.)

Sure, it might just be that Shra copies what she has seen, but why would Shra be alright with walking up to a corpse and putting her hands in the blood, then? Only crying while nearly being killed and calming soon after is one thing, but doing this is something quite else. Also, if I remember correctly, other Avar will assume that this is something Shra did deliberately, so I guess that is what we are supposed to think. I still say that she should rightly be much too distraught to even think of such a thing, and that she should not be making that connection.

It’s Like We’re Smart But We’re Not: 50

I suppose Douglass just wants to have her be “adult”, no matter how little sense it makes. And here I would like to cut. Until next time!