BattleAxe First Read: Chapter Thirty-Three: The Forbidden Valley (Part II)

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Chapter Thirty-Three (Part I) | Table of Contents | Chapter Thirty-Three (Part III)

SCSF: A good day, everyone, and welcome back to BattleAxe! Last time, we learned that Hagen is eeeevil and has been abusing Azhure… and then he just died. For the reader post:

Epistler asks where Azhure exactly got “clothes” for Shra. That is a very good question.

PPP: 301

She further notes that it makes little sense for Azhure to know she had “three broken ribs”. Indeed, iwhile I can certainly see her note that three ribs have been affected, they might as well be broken. Without X-ray equipment or magical powers, she would not be able to say for sure.

It’s Like We’re Smart But We’re Not: 50

She then notes that Azhure truly should have heard Hagen sneak up on her.

Ill Logic: 176

Further, she notes it is unlikely that Hagen and Azhure would have enough “plates and cutlery” that Hagen could riffle through it (not to mention that I would expect Hagen to keep the knife somewhere special, with how he is characterised).

Ill Logic: 177

PPP: 302

On Hagen’s death, she notes that Hagen would not bleed out like he does, since the knife would stop the blood flow. Further, given how fat Hagen is noted to be, the knife might well not even reach his aorta. Thank you!

It’s Like We’re Smart But We’re Not: 52 (+2)

She finally notes that Shra would not be “fat” and “plump” as Douglass describes her, given how the Avar live.

It’s Like We’re Smart But We’re Not: 53

Wolfgoddess rightly asks how Azhure has developed such an “intense friendship” with someone she only sees several times a year. I would like an explanation for that, too.

PPP: 303

Chessy finally confirms just how ridiculous the notion that Shra in any way performed a valid ritual is. I will keep that in mind for later, then.

Also… going back to Hagen’s death scene, he is specifically noted to hold the knife high before he falls. If he fell, there is no way it would end up beneath him, and we saw he did not try to break his fall. In other words, Douglass cheated to make sure Hagen died. Well done!

PPP: 313 (+10)

With that done, let me resume with this chapter!

After a section break, we open with Azhure sitting at the table with Shra in her lap, staring at Hagen’s body and “trembling”. She thinks that she killed Hagen, killed him, which just keeps running through her head. She thinks it is murder, and there is “no other way to dress it up”. Every time she thinks that thought, she gets enveloped in a “wave of sickness”. She thinks she had not wanted to kill Hagen and she simply wanted to protect Shra and escape him.

I do like that Azhure thinks this and that she does not simply get over Hagen’s death… but it is more than a bit silly, since it is plain to see she could not possibly have led to his death! I can kind of see it here, though.

--

Eventually, Azhure “rouse[s] herself”. She thinks she cannot stay here, as the villagers will “undoubtedly lynch her” as soon as someone discovers the body. Then they will burn Raum and Shra, and Azhure “[would] not have escaped Hagen at all”. Um… I think she would rather not have escaped the village; after all, these villagers would not be acting on Hagen’s behalf.

PPP: 314

So she quickly wipes her face and Shra’s hands (with a conveniently appearing towel) and lets it lie on the table. She tells Shra to come, rewraps her and “[leaves] the house she [has] called home for almost twenty-eight years behind her without a backward glance”. Well, she has always hated being here, so that only stands to reason.

--

Outside, she recovers the cloaks she hid for Raum (so why did we not hear of this earlier?).

PPP: 315

She then goes to the back of the church and wonders if she can go on with the rest of the plan when the beginning has “gone so disastrously wrong”. She murmurs that she must if she is to save Raum and Shra. If they stay, they “are all dead”. (I presume she has not bothered to think over Hagen’s death very much yet… or Douglass just wanted it out of the way.) So she forces herself to think on her plan and wonders how many guards were left to guard Raum. She goes down the stairs, not trying to be silent, as she does not want to “appear to be sneaking”.

When she enters the cellar, “the Avar girl-child” held in her arms, she puts a bright smile on her face. (Yes, that will fool anyone.) She is relieved to see that there is only one guard, but as he turns to look at her, her relief turns to dismay. It is Belial! She hides her dismay by “widening her smile”.

While I do not think having Belial guard Raum is a bad idea per se, it is very foolish to have him be the only guard. What if a group of villagers wants Raum killed now, for example? Would he really be able to fend them off? And how is he supposed to communicate with others if something goes wrong, then? I do not care what Axis may have said; Belial should have made sure to get more guards in here, if only for his own safety. Further, I do not think Azhure looks anything reassuring right now.

Ill Logic: 183 (+6)

She thinks she likes Belial, though he is not a hero. That is because of his “good-humoured face”, his “kind hazel eyes” and the way he “act[s] decisively when needed” despite him having a “good-humoured” face. She does not want to hurt him, but she will “do what she [has] to” to save Raum. While she thinks this, Belial looks at her in “some puzzlement”. I did pull this out of order, since the original is quite hard to read. It also has a comma splice.

PPP: 316 (+2)

Looking into this, how does she know he “acts decisively when needed”? The only thing he did that could fall under that was to get the keys from the guard when Axis told him to. I would hardly say that, in itself, counts as evidence. Further, what does so “have to do”? She might well get him to get Raum out and then lock him in. (And, since he has no one watching over him, it would be some time before someone would hear him.) Sure, it would be hard, but violence is by no means necessary.

So Belial asks what she is doing here at this time of the night, and gets to his feet, “puzzled but not anxious”. Azhure says Shra wanted to see “her father” (which I think Azhure just made up now) and she fretted for so long that Azhure just had to bring her. She then “let[s] her face fall” and goes to whisper to Belial. Since they will both be killed tomorrow morning, she says, she could not refuse Shra “one last hour spent with [Raum]”. Well, it is not a very bad ruse, at least.

Belial relaxes a bit. He thinks that of all the villagers who were here the previous chapter, Azhure has shown “the most courage and independence”. Maybe the others did not want to show much of either, lest they would be attacked by Axis or you? And how were the others not as “independent”? Sure, the “village lads” followed Hagen’s orders, but that was what they were supposed to do.

PPP: 317

He also finds her “very attractive”. He is usually shy around beautiful women, he says, but Azhure does not “flaunt her beauty nor seek to use it to intimidate”. Alright, then. He puts Shra on the head and calls her a “poor little girl”. Azhure agrees. For her part, she simply wants to be done. She can already see Raum stir behind the bars and that he has been given water to wash and heavy clothing against the cold, which Azhure approves of. She grits her teeth, since it will “be hard”.

PPP: 318 (comma splice)

She tells herself to have courage. After all, she has “already killed once” and even a man she called her father, so surely “disabling this stranger” should be no problem. She then thinks that Hagen abused her, but Belial has only treated her with kindness and “now display[s] touching tenderness toward the child in her arms”.

That is not to mention that you were in a situation where you needed to act earlier and that you did not set out to kill Hagen. I also do not quite get why she brings up that she has “already killed once”, like she is ready to kill Belial. So she widens her smile until she thinks “she must look like a grinning idiot”. Then why do you do it, Azhure?

Ill Logic: 184

So Azhure asks if she might go into the cell. Belial agrees and goes to fetch the keys. Azhure puts Shra and follows him across the cellar and Belial bends to grab the keys. And he does not look back at Azhure following him or keep an eye on her as he does this? No, naturally not.

Ill Logic: 185

Azhure then pulls our “a fist-sized rock” from “the deep pocket in her apron”. I… presume she must have put it there when she collected the cloak for Raum, but we should have heard about that! This is especially bad. Also, I got the impression that Azhure had not been planning for this escape before the previous day, but she clearly has.

PPP: 320 (+2)

So she raises the stone above her head, “her hand trembling”, and just as Belial gets up again, she “[brings] it down, dealing Belial a heavy blow to the back of his skull”. Ouch! A pity this was not Axis, though. Belial falls and twists around (for the drama) so that Azhure can see “a moment’s surprise” in his eyes before they roll into his head and he hits the floor. Azhure stares at him for a bit, “unable to believe that she [has] actually hit him”. She drops the stone, begins to shake and raises her hands to her face. She wonders what she has done.

I do like this! Azhure is actually affected by having hurt Belial despite her earlier calm and Belial not having any backup ends up getting him in trouble. I do wonder if I should complain about Azhure going straight for violence… but then again, Azhure is hardly in the best state of mind to think straight, and she obviously does not approve of it, either. So I will let it go for now.

Raum calls out to Azhure to get the keys. Azhure turns to look and sees him standing at the door. He tells her to get the keys again. Azhure slides them over to Raum, who immediately opens the door. Yay. He picks Shra up and grabs Azhure’s arm, saying that she must come with him, as she knows “[her] friends” will kill her too now. Azhure nods and stands, “her legs still weak with shock”. She looks at Belial one last time, “hoping he [isn’t] dead”. She whispers “sorry” and then Raum pulls her toward the stairs. If you want to know if Belial is still alive, you could tell Raum you wanted to and then check his pulse or breathing, Azhure.

For the execution of this bit… it seems like it is trying to do two things simultaneously: “Azhure charms Belial and uses that to lock him in the cell (for example)”, and “Azhure uses a rock to knock Belial out and is horrified by that”. It fails at the first one since Azhure ends up not doing anything with talking to Belial that she could not have achieved with the stone, and at the second one because there is quite little space devoted to her reaction. We really should have had Azhure bash Belial on the head at once and then have more space devoted to what she thinks.

Ill Logic: 186 (why did she not hit Belial at once?)

PPP: 321

--

Next scene, we open on Axis, who cannot sleep. He had tossed and turned for a fair while, until he decided it was no use to pretend he would sleep. So he put on his clothes and his weapon belt and headed out. As he now goes past the “perimeter guards”, he nods to them. (And you could not put some of those guards in the village why…?) He is still troubled by the events of the past afternoon, and the condition of Raum and Shra “had appalled him”. Then he gives us this:

He had seen death and agony many times on the battlefield, but never before had he seen such wanton cruelty. And all in the name of the Seneschal, all in the name of Artor and the Way of the Plough. Axis had been repelled by the blood lust in the villagers’ eyes, and now, as he was walking through the crisp cold air, he was repelled by the thought of the sight he would witness this morning.

Leaving aside the matter of Axis having sympathy for Raum and Shra, since that is just a thing now… I am quite unimpressed. After all, he has helped bring supposed “witches” to the Seneschal, knowing full well that they might be burned to death, so he does not exactly have the moral high ground here. For a more detailed look:

-Has he really never seen “such wanton cruelty”? Not even in some places the “summer raiders” of Coroleas attacked? After all, this “cruelty” mostly consisted of keeping Shra and Raum prisoner and letting them slowly die (along with beatings). Is this truly beyond the scope of what raiders might produce?

-Well, Axis, you also help to kill people for the “crime” of using magic “in the name of the Seneschal, in the name of Artor and the Way of the Plough”. Given that both that and killing Raum and Shra seem to be things that are expected from followers of the Way of the Axe and the Plough, what makes the villagers wrong and you justified? And the answer cannot be “because it is me”.

-Also, who did this “in the name of the Seneschal”? The only one who could was Hagen and he did not invoke the Seneschal when explaining himself!

PPP: 322

-That should be “bloodlust” as a single word, Douglass, and “crisp, cold” with a comma.

PPP: 324 (+2)

-What “bloodlust” did he even see? We did not see them exactly show bloodlust, and that was from Axis’ own perspective.

PPP: 325

-Finally, if you are so “repelled” by this, Axis, why do you not tell the villagers to abandon the execution? You are the BattleAxe of the AxeWielders, after all, and you have a whole army at your back, so what would they do about it?

So Axis “curse[s] himself” as he walks to the church and he thinks he needs to talk to Belial to “calm his nerves”. Cut to him entering the cellar, where he “[knows] what has happened” as soon as he enters. The cell door is wide open and Belial lies “sprawled in an unmoving heap over by the far wall”. Axis crosses the cellar “in five strides” and “gently roll[s]” Belial over. Maybe you should first check if Belial is still alive and get a general idea of what is wrong with him before you do so, Axis?

Ill Logic: 187

He notes that Belial is still breathing, but he has a “huge lump on the back of his head”. Axis thinks that whoever hit him “[has] done a good job” (a good job for them, not for Belial). And he thinks he knows who might have done it. Oh, how dramatic. So Axis runs out of there, taking the stairs “three at a time” (and leaving Belial there) and crossing the distance between the church and Hagen’s house in “the space of six heartbeats”. Yes, yes, Axis can run fast, good to know.

He bursts into the house and sees Hagen lying in a “pool of blood”, a knife sticking out of his belly. A bloodied towel lies on the table and Azhure and Shra are nowhere to be seen. Axis curses, checks Hagen, who is now cold and curses again.

PPP: 326 (misused semicolon)

Axis goes outside again and orients himself under “the early morning sky”. So it is now the 2^nd of November. Good to know! He thinks the situation over. Azhure and Raum would have run for the Forbidden Valley and Arne has set the camp up on the other side of the village. And apparently he did not bother to set guards along the entrance to the Forbidden Valley, when that would have been the obvious thing to do!

Ill Logic: 188

Axis further says there is “no time to rouse their support”, and he refuses to consider waking the villagers of Smyrton. …So Belial was literally the only one of the Axe-Wielders actually in the village and there is no way to communicate with the perimeter guards. I think Axis should relieve Arne of his position as soon as possible. It is frankly a miracle they never suffered heavy losses if this is how competent the unit commanders are.

Ill Logic: 193 (+5)

And yes, I know this is meant to make this scenario possible, but it would be just as easy to have Axis have only a small group with him, and that would make more sense than an entire army tailing him! Either way, Axis goes on. The Forbidden Valley is “unpassable to horses”, and Raum, Shra and Azhure must be near it now. So Axis curses again and sprints out of Smyrton to the Valley. I note that he has decided to leave Belial behind and not to warn anyone. Apparently waking one of the icky villagers is a worse prospect than leaving Belial to die. And he might well do so; after all, he was hit on the head and was still unconscious quite a while later, which does not bode well at all for Belial.

Morals for Thee But Not for Me: 103 (if this is how Axis treats his supposed close friend…)

Well, though he has tried to save their lives, Axis “thrust[s] aside” his earlier sympathy for their “plight” and any thought of just letting them go. Hagen is dead and, what Axis thinks is worse, Belial lies “assaulted and helpless” (and who refused to help him, Axis?) after “both he and Axis had trusted Azhure”. She never promised anything to you or said you could trust her, though. You and Belial placed your trust in her without bothering to check if it was justified, which you should have done, and if she does something that does not fit you trust, that is your problem, not hers. She did not “betray” you in any way.

Apparently, his “bonds and loyalties” demand that the BattleAxe “take revenge” for Hagen’s death, “the assault of one of the most senior Axe-Wielders” and the escape of Raum and Shra. (Not that Belial will be helped with “revenge” if he dies, Axis.) Axis is a “strong and fit man”, so once he has left the village he quickly “settle[s] into an easy stride”. The entrance to the Forbidden Valley is less than “half a league” away across “flat and easy terrain”, and he is determined to give Raum and Azhure “a run for their pains”.

It seems Smyrton is quite a bit further from the Valley than I had imagined, then. Also, I get what Douglass means, but “a run for their pains” does not work. “A run for their money” is an idiom and it cannot be adjusted so freely, nor is the “run” literal. And why is Axis referring to killing Hagen and hurting Belial as their “pains”?

PPP: 329 (+3) (plus missing comma from next bit)

But, as he runs, a “small troubling voice” nags in his head. This voice, which speaks in italics, asks why Axis should not just let them escape. Why should he not say that he did his best and let them “escape into the night”? I think this will turn out to be the Prophecy or some magical creature, assuming we will even get an explanation.

Axis is not bothered at all by having such a voice in his head; instead he just get annoyed when the question does not disappear. He answers the voice by saying that he cannot “betray [his] trust to the Seneschal”; after all, it has protected and supported him his whole life. And that is the only reason? Does he not think that breaking this trust in the first place is a bad idea? It just feels weird.

The voice says that it is strange that he wanted to save Raum and Shra from Hagen, and how does that serve the Seneschal? Yes, it is quite strange indeed. Axis just pants for breath as he nears the Valley and wonders if he can “admit to himself” that his guilt at trying to save Raum and Shra now drives him to “desperately catch” him. Well, where is the shame in that? You find that you did something wrong and now you are trying to do better. I do not think that would be hard to admit.

So he answers that before now “they” had not killed and now they have. Do you actually believe that Shra was involved in killing Hagen, Axis, or do you just want to excuse yourself, no matter how much sense it makes? The voice then asks if it was the Avar or “the Nors woman” (who has a name) who killed. Axis answers that Azhure killed “for them” and “to help them” and, since they accepted her offer of help, they “became accomplices” to Hagen’s murder. He finds his blood “stains their hands equally”.

No, Axis, that is not how being “accomplices” works at all. They simply did not help kill Hagen! That aside, Shra, who was there with Azhure, is three years old and I highly doubt that she understood the full import of what Azhure did, and we do not know if Raum even knows that Hagen is dead! This is utter nonsense! (I am glad that we are not supposed to take it seriously, though.)

He finishes by saying “I am doing the right thing”. Continue to believe that, Axis, and see how fast you will become someone you would despise (I think that will be in under a year). The voice now calls him “Axis Rivkahson” (who is this?) and asks how he can blame Raum for taking Shra and running when “the Seneschal” prepared to burn him today. It further asks what threat he poses to the Seneschal and Achar that “he should be burned”.

Um, it was not the Seneschal, but rather the people of Smyrton who decided Raum was to be burned. The Seneschal did not even know about this when Axis was sent forth. That aside, I do agree with the reasoning of the voice.

PPP: 330

Axis shouts Raum and Shra are Forbidden, and he cannot betray the Seneschal’s trust. Oh, are you having trouble to keep arguing, Axis? Now Axis’ lungs are beginning to burn with the effort of getting enough air, and it still is not enough. (Interesting…) The voice comes back, telling him to remember how he found them, “torn and filthy and denuded of all their self-respect”. It asks if Axis “[saw] threat” in Raum’s eyes when he looked at Axis. Raum trusted Axis with Shra, so he should let them go.

PPP: 332 (+2) (overly formal language and “saw threat”)

I can see what the voice means, but it is unfortunately a bit incoherent compared to what it said on the other occasions. Axis refuses to let them go and decides to constantly force an image of Belial lying unconscious in his mind. While I am somewhat impressed at Axis’ dedication, I would be more impressed if he had done anything to help Belial. And there this section ends, which I think is a good place to stop.

I will see you next time, then!